Day 59 - July 12, 2010 - More than You Know

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them. ~Desmond Tutu

You know I've had a long day when I wake up at 4 AM and start writing a blog. Plain and simple. I'm glad to move on from today, but it will definitely take me some time to feel better about what happened. I was in a fender bender this afternoon. I don't say wreck because I know it could have been exceedingly worse... and that's the most painful part to think about.

A lady cut me off while I was driving home. My temper has been short over the past few days. Recently, I've really had control over my road rage, but a monster took over... that's for sure. I started driving recklessly. There's no excuse. Before I knew it, I had rear-ended an SUV at a stop light. My whole body was shaking; I've rarely loathed myself so much. God is so mysterious though. I didn't hit the lady that cut me off. I happened to hit a family from our church. That sounds horrible, I know... but really it's a blessing in disguise. My car sustained most of the damage, and the woman driving was extremely understanding. I hate that it happened, but at least I could offer her my insurance and my deepest apologies.

So, why a picture of my grandma? When I got home, I didn't want to hear much of anything. I knew I was in the wrong. I didn't want to be chastised or comforted, really. I didn't want to talk about it all that much. I simply couldn't stand to think about what I had allowed myself in anger to do. It took me a long time to feel any comfort at all, frankly. It is funny, though. Comfort needed to come through a different medium than words. I went outside to sit down and get some air and my grandma followed me outside. At first, I was a bit resistant to her approach. I had previously had a difficult week with her. Yet, I didn't stop her. She sat down next to me and put her hand on my arm. The only thing she said, over and over, in her cheerful way, was, "It's ok!" I didn't need more than that. She was such a blessing in that moment. She doesn't even know it, really. It is hard to explain why, but thank God she was there. Thank God.

Another page turned. Another lesson learned.